This is such a great idea. Thanks for sending this in!!
“A few weeks ago my third daughter turned 10, and I began preparing for our Mother/Daughter Birthday Date, which has become a “Coming of Age” tradition in our home. This tradition began when my first daughter turned 10. She was in 4th grade, and the following month was the Maturation Program at school. I wanted her to hear it from me first, but I was scared to have “The Talk.” So I started talking with other parents and reading books on the subject, and I came across a suggestion from James Dobson. In his book “The New Hide or Seek,” he wrote about preparing children for adolescence by taking a weekend trip with your 10-year-old to talk about becoming a teenager. He stressed the importance of talking not only about the physical changes, but also about emotional changes that will happen during the teen years. Using his suggestions as a starting point, I planned a special weekend with my daughter. It was such a wonderful experience for both of us that I have continued the tradition with my other daughters. I have had many requests over the years to share this with others, so here is an outline of our date!
1. We begin by checking into a hotel, which makes my daughter feel very special. It doesn’t need to be expensive, but it shows my daughter how important she is and how important the subject of our weekend is. Then after a nice dinner, we go to the temple grounds (for my first daughter we lived near the St. Louis temple, and this time we booked a hotel near the Salt Lake temple). At the temple, we read the Proclamation on the Family together, and we talk about the role of women in Heavenly Father’s plan. After walking around the temple grounds, we go back to the hotel. After we change into our pajamas and settle comfortably in bed together, I give my daughter a letter that my mother wrote to me when I was 10 years old (it is actually more like a booklet, 10 pages front and back, with pictures of my daughter or other pictures I’ve found that are appropriate to the text). This letter talks about growing up, menstruation, and sexual intimacy. We read through the letter together, and we discuss any questions she may have.
2. The next morning, while we lounge in bed, I give my daughter an empty basket and a copy of the American Girl book, “The Care and Keeping of You .” This is a wonderful book that discusses the many physical changes of puberty. There are chapters on hair care, skin care, shaving, nutrition, exercise, menstruation, etc. As we read the book together (skimming some sections and spending more time in others), I give her items to put in her basket (shampoo and conditioner, nail clippers and polish, face wash and acne lotion, pads and tampons, razor and shaving cream, deodorant, etc. It is a lot of fun to go to the store, book in hand, and find cute things to include in her basket!) We usually take a break for breakfast sometime during the morning, as it takes around 3 hours for us to go through the book and talk about her growing body.
3. When we finish filling up her basket, we check out of the hotel and do something fun (a movie or other activity we enjoy together). Then over lunch, we discuss some of the emotional changes that occur during the teen years. I always re-read Chapter 7 of Dobson’s book, “The New Hide or Seek,” before we have this talk. This chapter is about preparing both parents and children for adolescence by understanding and anticipating typical changes. It has been very helpful to both me and my daughters to know that these changes are normal and also that they are usually temporary. Some topics discussed are feelings of inferiority, desire for conformity, confusion about faith and values, identity formation, fluctuating emotions, sexual fascination and fear, and increasing independence.
I’ve now had this Mother/Daughter date with three of my daughters, and it has been a wonderful experience. It has been a starting point for many discussions in later years as my girls have grown, and it has helped them be comfortable talking with me about changes they are experiencing. I hope these ideas are helpful to those who are creating their own “Coming of Age” traditions. Please feel free to adopt, adapt, or expand on my ideas. With guidance from the Spirit, you can help your children view the changes of adolescence as an exciting time of becoming who our Father in Heaven wants them to be.”