I was standing in a long line, at a restaurant, where I was behind some girls, maybe in their twenties. My daughter has told me that women talk this way, but I had never really witnessed it for myself. And I have to admit, I was shocked, disgusted, and very very sad.
These three women were eating out together on a Friday night. I can only assume it was a girl’s night out. One began talking about getting some plastic surgery done. Several of her friends have had tummy tucks and breast enlargements. She said they looked horrible as they healed, but in talking to them afterward, they said it was so worth it. She was really considering it. “I just want to look like myself again!” The other women just nodded their heads and encouraged her to go for it.
Maybe you’ve heard, or even been a part of, conversations like this. Please recognize this conversation for what it is. What would their reaction have been if I had broken in and said,
“Women are bombarded with false messages about their identity. Popular media figures on the radio and television set themselves up as authorities and spokespersons for women. While these media messages may contain elements of truth, most preach a gospel of individual fulfillment and self-worship, often misleading women regarding their true identity and worth. These voices offer a counterfeit happiness.” (Julie B. Beck, What Latter-day Saint Women Do Best: Stand Strong and Immovable, Oct 2007).
One of the other gals began talking about something that just broke my heart. I gathered that she had one small child at home. She was complaining about how hard it was to always have to care for this child. She was always tired, in a bad mood, even angry. She couldn’t even think about having any more children. She just needed to have some time for herself; to be human again.
These women were thinking more of themselves than their glorious purpose in life. Sometimes “purpose” is not fun, gratifying, or pretty, but it always ends gloriously. As Latter-day Saint women we know that we covenanted to be Mothers in Zion, to bring forth the children of God; to teach, train, and testify to these precious children. Is it fun? Sometimes. Is it glamorous? Hardly never. Is it gratifying? Only when others don’t give me a hard time about my choice. Is it glorious? On occasion–absolutely; and I have faith it most definitely will be in the Hereafter.
Being a woman is no picnic. Most of us do not have the perfect body. Most of us are not happy with ourselves most of the time. But if we were able to stop comparing ourselves to the world, we would probably feel differently, and most likely better, about ourselves.
Being a mother is very difficult. It is a sacrifice. Most of the time, our sacrifice goes unappreciated–for years. I don’t mind complaining about motherhood. It’s a great stress reliever, and who doesn’t like to compare horror stories? But the tone is different now. Women complain because they don’t want to sacrifice. They still want to put themselves first, above their children, and even above their husbands.
I was in a conversation with a passing stranger the other day. This woman didn’t know me, didn’t have any idea of my background, my lifestyle, my history. Casually, she asked me how many children I had. When I answered that I have six, she said, “Really, that’s amazing! You look so happy!”
She didn’t say it in a demeaning way, but she said it following the philosophy of our day. In her eyes, I should not only be exhausted, I should look exhausted. So, why in the world would I be happy?
I actually took it as a compliment, because I am happy. I’m happy that I’ve had so many children. This lady and I were talking about art, and how I had to put my art on the back burner while raising my children. Setting aside my interests really was a sacrifice, but the sacrifice was worth it.
When we were first married, we decided to have as many children as we could. People would ask us how many more we were going to have and I could never give a straight answer because I was following the Lord’s dictate, not my own. When I was pregnant with our sixth child, I knew this would be my last pregnancy. In fact, for each of my pregnancies, I felt that I was in a partnership with the Lord. Even though I felt fear at raising them well, I leaned on the Lord to help me do what I could not do by myself. There were many sleepless nights where I was so tired I couldn’t even cry. There were disappointing days, there were exhausting days, there were overwhelming days. But I was never alone. Even when I suffered a miscarriage, the Lord was with me, and I felt I could keep going.
“Our bodies are not our own but have been bought through the sacrifice of Jesus. He bought our bodies and our spirits, and they belong to God. We surely are to take care of His possessions” (Hugh W. Pinnock, “Learning Our Father’s Will,” Oct. 1984).
I may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but I was purchased through the ultimate sacrifice of my Savior. He loves me for my obedience and devotion to Him. Happily, my husband loves the way I look too. My beauty is deep, rich, and wholesome. And my children are my crowning glory.
Painting, “Star-Crossed”, by Katie M. Berggren, who says, “My purpose is to paint and capture the special moment between mother and child”. Find her work at http://kmberggren.com
To be honest the second woman sounds like she might be suffering from depression/PPD and doesn’t know it.
I agree that the worldly standard of beauty is waaaay out of whack. But there is also a complimentary strand of society that tells us that not only must we be physically beautiful, we must also attain a higher worldly standard of motherhood than ever before. We should also have perfect houses and produce Martha Stewartesque meals and crafts, and spend every waking moment enriching our children’s minds and lives while taking gorgeous photos of it all for our blogs. I love homeschooling myself, but if I listened to all of those messages I would go insane. The pressure on all sides is unbearable if you pay attention to it.
In the context of this article and the conversation you overheard, Hugh Pinnock’s quote is powerful. I’ve been caught in the middle of the same conversations about body-changing surgeries. I didn’t know what to say then, but reading that quote made everything clear. Our bodies are not our own but bought with a price. When we remember that, I believe many of these kinds of conversations would simply fizzle out and die.
You are gorgeous!
Thank you, dear.
Thank you for such a wonderful written article. I greatly appreciate it. Strengthens my views of who I really am in this society.
Main goal of God is saving souls. Everyone’s main and sole purpose is to evangelize no matter who we are.
IS IT FUN? NOTHING IS FUNNER ON THIS EARTH
IS IT GLORIOUS? 100% THE ONLY SOURCE OF GLORY ON EARTH
I am not saying the troubles don’t come but the bible says REJOICE in troubles! I GET WORRIED IF THE DEVIL IS NOT ATTACKING ME! If you are truly giving your life to evangalize, you LOVE every minute and the worse the person is the greater the glory for JESUS so I just had to give some praise here I love y’all and no offense to anyone please hear my heart in my words.
Is there a scripture for mother in Zion
We can find daughters in Zion in the scriptures, usually contrasting with the daughters of Canaan. In our day, that would be interpreted as members of the church vs non-members. And Mother in Zion is interchangeable with Mother in Israel. The prophetess, Deborah, was called a Mother in Israel. Other than that, the title is not found in the scriptures.
However, Joseph Smith must have said something that wasn’t recorded (at least, there doesn’t seem to be a record of his words), but during the early years of the church it was a great honor for women to be given the title of “Mother in Israel.” For example, Lucy Mack Smith was held in such high esteem that people would actually bow in her presence. She often spoke to the members of the church during conferences, and she would ask if people saw her as a Mother in Israel. Eliza R. Snow was called a “mother of mothers in Israel.” President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “To be a mother in Israel in the full gospel sense is the highest reward that can come into the life of a woman.” This sheds certain light on the honor this title bears to any woman seeking her own calling and election in the kingdom of God.
Read this tonight as a young mother wrestling with many questions. Touched my heart and I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face so grateful for you sharing your testimony and the truth of our divine calling as mothers. From everything inside me, thank you.
This is a good m mi ministryessage to me and my
Am so blessed by this explanation. Its a full package of testimonies of who a woman called “mother called mother of zion” really is and should be. Thank you.